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如果爱,何必去想以前和将来?

(12-12-26 08:50)

U-Radio网络广播(悠然电台)将在今后选取大家原创或分享的文章制作成有声节目供大家欣赏。本次广播的是苏子墨同学分享的《如果爱,何必去想以前和将来》一文,希望大家喜欢,也欢迎各位听众的建议和意见。

 

 

mp3格式下载(新浪微盘)

 

当一份爱幸福得让你不安,请不要自己推倒它。

我有一对堪称神仙眷侣的朋友。自从他们俩遇见后,就不可收拾地堕入爱河,从此像两颗糖果一样粘在了一起,上班短信不断,下班形影不离,无声无息地搬到一起并结了婚,用他们自己的话来说,快乐得像两只老鼠。平日里,就是看见他们亲密得一塌糊涂的样子,都让人好生欢喜。

可是过了两年,那个女孩来找我,诉说她的不安。

她问我:“你说怎么办,我们这样在一起,真是太没有出息了。”

我说:“你们这样不快乐吗?”

她告诉我:“就是因为太快乐了,所以糊里糊涂一下就过了两年,完全不思上进,回想起来,觉得心里慌慌的。遇见他之前,我本来为了升职,准备去年读在职研究生的,结果没去,他也没有按原计划出国深造。我们甚至都没有开始攒钱买房子。”

我问:“为什么要这些‘上进’呢?”

她答:“为了将来啊,我们可以生活得更幸福。”

犹豫了一下,这个女孩又告诉了我一个秘密,原来,她以前曾有过失败的感情经历,她为了初恋男友,放弃了考研,可是他后来背叛了她,这使女孩一度非常疯狂地投入工作和进修,她觉得只有事业是不会背叛自己的。所以,这一回,她害怕。

 
我说:“让我来给你讲两个故事吧。”

第一个故事是关于“以前”的。

有一个中年男人,深深地爱上了一个女孩。可是,他有过非常不愉快的婚姻,而且纠缠了整整十年,好不容易离婚了以后,他做出了一个决定,再也不结婚了。

尽管这个男人是如此爱这个女孩,他还是不能忘记以前的痛,不敢重新走进伤害过他的婚姻之门。结果,他选择放弃了这个女孩,继续他的单身生活。

他就这样一直生活在“以前”,直到又过了二十年,他忽然发觉,自己其实是为了之前的十年,放弃了之后的二十年,而那比“以前”更长的时光中,有无穷美与好的可能性,现在也一样变成了以前。

 
第二个故事是关于“将来”。

有一对很相爱的夫妇,睡在一张简陋的小床上,她枕着他的胳膊,麻了,他忍着,因为不忍心吵醒她,他的腿搁在她的腿上,压痛了,她一动不动。有一天早上,他 们相亲相爱地醒来,忽然想,如果有一栋海边的大房子该多好,可以夜晚听着海浪声相拥睡去,清晨听着海浪声苏醒,看彼此惺忪的睡颜,还有一张大大的铺满玫瑰 花的床,如果这样,生活应该会更幸福吧。

于是像很多城市中为了将来打拼的夫妇一样,她的心思全放在了事业上,家里变得凌乱不堪,他在外面做事不顺利,回家免不了脾气暴躁。后来,他有了一个到国外发展事业的机会,一去就是五年。她很是寂寞,就与一个同事有了暧昧关系。

好在婚姻这样跌跌撞撞,也维持了三十年。直到两人白发苍苍,银行的存款真的足够去买一栋海边的大房子了,他们却早已不睡在同一张床上。他们为了一个所谓的“将来”,磨折了自己三十年,这本来可以很幸福的三十年。

 
这不仅只是两个故事而已,我们哪个人不是这样荒唐地在生活着,在“以前”的经验中趑踞不前,并同时为着一个莫名其妙的“将来”,诸如五年后的职称、十年后的年假、二十年后的退休计划,三十年后的环球旅行,而说服自己要选择一个默默忍受的现在。

活在以前和将来的人,即便眼下就是唾手可得的幸福,他们也不会安然捧起,他们会把这幸福延迟到“将来”才觉得安全,或者让“以前”来置疑这幸福。人的快乐,都是自己推倒的。

格式塔疗法中,很重要的一个原则就是让人关注此时此刻。这也正如佛教所说的当下,如微尘般聚散的世间,每一刻都无常变幻,包括你自己。你所拥有的不过当下而已,所有对昨日和明日的思虑,都是妄念。

我对这位朋友说,当你觉得快乐的时候,你已经忘记了以前和将来,何必再去想起。昨天已然过去,明天和今天并没有什么区别,都是三餐一眠,还能“上进”成怎样,一日六餐不成?

在从生到死这个无稽的过程中,我们只活一天,若这一天有爱,那便已是永远。

 

www.u148.net


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